Exhausted, Defeated, and Easter

On my way to school the other day, I passed the corner store and I saw two men standing at the back of a delivery truck. The truck was filled with boxes and these two men were just standing there staring at it. They both looked like they wanted to cry...they looked exhausted. It was then I realized that I see that look on a lot of people...not only in Korea, a country that is riddled with over worked people. But everywhere:

Exhaustion is in the face of a parent who faces dirty laundry, a sleepless night, a fussy infant, an energetic toddler, a troublesome teen, the list goes on.

Exhaustion is in the face of the people at the gym who are just there because it is something they do everyday but they are tired. Tired of their routine....just seeming to go through the emotions.

Exhaustion is in the faces of middle school and high school students when they realize they have one more paper to write, one more practice to go to, one more chore to do....

Exhaustion is something I feel in my body sometimes even before my feet hit the floor.

I have been thinking about exhaustion a lot lately and I am surprised at how often it rears its ugly little head. I see it everywhere...I see it in people I care about...I see it in strangers I have never had a conversation with...it is something all people feel at some time in one capacity or another.

This Lent season has been very different for me. I haven't been able to make it to church all that much and I am not surrounded by my small group or family or other reminders that Easter is coming. Lent is a long season and I am sure if you work in the church it is a season that can be...dare I say it...exhausting. But it is also such a great season! One of my favorite times of year is Easter! I love Easter Sunday at my home church...I have only missed a few Easter Sundays in my 30 years of life....I will miss this Easter Sunday both physically and longingly. (not sure if that makes sense...but it is want I want to say)

In my thoughts about exhaustion I can't help but think that Jesus must have been exhausted. He was so busy in the weeks and months that lead up to His crucifixion. He was being hunted, questioned, looked up to, and so many more things...However, at the point when His exhaustion is perhaps most evident what does He do? He goes into a garden and prays. He prays to His Father.

I tried to remember this the other night as I finally got into bed about an hour after I wanted to, my arms already sore from our new workout, my mind racing about all I had to do tomorrow, and the worry about what my future holds. I thought about exhaustion....and being so tired that going to sleep seemed like too much work. Then I thought about Jesus and how when He was exhausted the first thing He did was talk to His Father...So, I laid in my bed exhausted in the arms of Jesus...and it was wonderful!

However, because I am human and continually fall short....When I woke up the next morning I forgot all about it and just went on with my day...and soon worry, doubt, fear, anxiety, and you guessed it exhaustion showed their faces in my day.

The biggest stress and worry in my life right now is finding a job for next year. I know that I want to be back in the States and I know I want to teach....that is all I think I know. I have been so busy looking for jobs and filling out applications that sometimes I realize that I am forgetting to pray. I am so focused on the possibility of defeat that I just keep pushing on to the next thing...without asking my Father what He has planned. Where He sees me. Where He is going to carry me and sustain me. That is not how I want to live my life. I want to make God-honoring choices and decisions. God has ALWAYS been faithful to me and has led me on some truly amazing journeys....Why do I doubt him now? And more importantly why am I when all it seems to do is EXHAUST me...

Well I suppose that is enough ranting and raving...Just a few things that I am throwing around in my mind and thinking about wondering if people are struggling with the same things in a different way than me.

April is bringing some truly EXCITING things!

The first week in April (Easter weekend) Kaley and I are going on a hike to see the cherry blossoms! We are pumped! I am excited to spend Easter with the cherry blossoms recognizing new life and enjoying the beauty of God's creation.

The next weekend we are going to yet another cherry blossom festival in Seoul...The blossoms are supposed to be beautiful so I hope we get to see some good ones....

THEN: GET READY FOLKS>>>>COUSIN PALOOZA is coming to Korea! Curt is coming and we are going to JeJu Island for a little cousin palooza...that is what I am calling it because it is just going to be that fun...fun enough to be called a palooza!

Then the fourth weekend....I have to work....Oh well I can do that.

Check back in later...I'll post some pictures or something interesting:
Holly