Pursue..

I was talking to a good friend the other day and I told her I wished I could bring my computer in the sauna with me. I want to do this because I feel like I do all my good thinking while I am simmering in the sauna. I sit in the sauna post workout and post pod cast. Recently, I have been listening to podcasts from Park Community Church in Chicago. I am behind them considerably...however I just finished their heart series and now I am listening to and reflecting on their pursue series.

The sermon I just listened to was living life according to our design versus our desire. The big question was to ask the three people closest to you..the people who know you best..."Hey when you look at my life and you look at what I pursue...what would you say my life is about..at the end of the day what is my life about? What do I pursue? What do I spend my time and money on?" This is an incredible question. I started thinking about what others pursue in my life...What is it that my friends pursue, my family, my co-workers, what are people pursuing?

Pursue...the pastor says: "We cannot pursue anything until we understand that we first have been pursued." Our work is meaningless apart from the grace of God. God is intimately involved in our lives. I am really good at forgetting this. God's intimate involvement....the fact that He is indeed in the details. Sometimes, when I make up my mind to do something I pursue it until it happens and I work hard and if something gets in my way I either knock it down or find a way to jump right over it. I set my eyes on something and I work and I work and I work until I finish it. I am a list maker and I LOVE to cross things off my list. It gives me a huge sense of satisfaction and purpose...however, I often forget to talk to God...not just on little things...but BIG things. Things that I need to prayerfully consider...

Being in Korea away from my support system...my community...has helped me to recognize that God loves me intimately. My desire and my pursuit of Him are more at the front of my thinking then they have been in a long time. However, this doesn't fully answer the question of pursuit for me....what do I pursue...Do I pursue anything or do I just move from one thing to the next just trying to survive...I feel like that a lot...I just have to get through this so I can move on to that....never fully appreciating what I am going through, the moment I am going through it. I definitely felt like that with school...I couldn't wait to be done so I could teach...now sometimes, I feel that old feeling. I can't wait to be home so I can have my own classroom...Forgetting that I need to appreciate where I am now...I am in Korea! This is a beautiful place filled with amazing experiences and wonderful opportunities and I am missing it. I need to pursue every day...make every day count...soon these days will be over and I will look back and think...man I wasted that time...

A few weeks ago a guy at my church shared that he felt that he had a complaining spirit. Over the past two weeks there have been a few things that have made me take a look at my own spirit...and I don't like what I see. My spirit lately has been complaining as well and also jealous. Complaining and jealousy are not pretty things and this week they stared me right back in the face and I was convicted and ashamed...I don't want to have a complaining and jealous spirit. I want to be someone people are encouraged by and attracted to. I have a lot of work ahead of me and some serious time in the sauna...and I am ready....ready to pursue it and come face to face with it, change it, all the while appreciating the intimacy of God's presence in my life.

Holly